Cupid or Stupid? How to Overcome the Pitfalls & Perils of Looking for Love Online

Over half a million Kiwis—and as many as 50,000 at any given time—are online searching for love. Could be they are looking, and ending up, in all the wrong places? One New Zealand web master thinks so.

Chances are that anyone who is web savvy, and also looking for companionship, has turned to the mysteries of the Internet in the never ending quest of finding a perfect partner. If the results of a just concluded BBC poll are to be believed, 30 per cent of web users regard the Internet as a good place to find a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Which is fine until one happens upon a site that, coining the words of blues man Dr John, “is clearly the wrong place at the wrong time.” Sleazy, sinister and quite literally an international ‘meat market’ where Russian brides rub shoulders with Ubangi tribesmen and with one innocent ‘click’ you’ve laid your world open to the cyber equivalent of Sudanese pirates.

That is why a newly launched website, www.loveonline.co.nz may well be the exception rather than the rule for it has been designed with one nationality in mind—New Zealanders.

Creator Rob Pharazyn, managing director of Riptide Communications Ltd has been taking the emotional pulse of New Zealand for…well, let’s just say quite a considerable period of time.

In the 1980s he was the literal Phantom of the Airwaves—adapting his training as a roving rock ‘n’ roll radio jock into the domain of ‘talk back’ where he was the undisputed champion of night time talkback—with 23% market ratings—on his Radio Pacific show.

Having spent time as a newspaper publisher and various sojourns overseas, Pharazyn is now back in town doing what has come to be almost second nature to him. Namely, using the airwaves and the ethereal nature of the internet, to help New Zealanders navigate and go with their emotional flows.

His LoveOnline.co.nz project is his most ambitious to date but one that he is relishing. In the research process he has uncovered more insights into what makes New Zealanders ‘tick’ in the love and life arena.

From where Pharazyn sits, the desperate and the dateless, the lost and the lonely of New Zealand were starved up until the last decade, for opportunities or venues to find that elusive other half.

The old means of connecting via a friend’s introductions or local clubs and social gatherings had disappeared to be replaced by a confusing melee of pubs, clubs and even more unpalatable options.

Many of the initial pre-2000 stigmas about seeking love online had to also drain away before what he was contemplating would find acceptance.

“Initially such dating attempts were seen as down market, desperate and slightly tawdry. To even admit that you had joined a dating site would draw sniggers but all those inferences and the accompanying naysayers have long since disappeared. There is much anecdotal evidence of many a well-balanced and attractive person finding and marrying someone that they have met in their search on an internet dating site.”

“Moreover, the current generation X and Y’s, and even their older counterparts, are computer literate and do so many other things on line that it is quite a natural transition for them to recreate courtship in digital cyberspace.”

For Pharazyn, the role of Samaritan for all the lonely people hoping that life just doesn’t pass them by is not a new one.

“Over the years I’ve had many public domain opportunities to understand the human psyche and condition. No more so than in the years when I worked on Radio Pacific as a talkback host. While talking back to the disenfranchised and lonely as their tales of loneliness and woe washed through my headphones, I had plenty of time to ponder a solution to the eternal human conundrum of trying to find your elusive ‘other half’. Part of the reason my program was so successful at that time is that I took their issues and concerns seriously and genuinely tried to make love and life a little bit easier for them.

“Given the nature of radio, once advice or insights were given, then the information or sharing was gone and people were left possibly wiser but still on their own. Thanks to the Internet all of this has changed and has now given me the means to make the interaction more meaningful and more enduring.
“So you can say that this has been an idea that was decades marinating but now I’ve created something, and someplace, where finding a friend, soul mate or lover is possible. Accordingly, it’s safe, stylish and secure. Build the airport--the planes will come.“

Rather than being a conventional dating site, the trick for Pharazyn was to approach the model in a way that gave him and his LoveOnline.co.nz site distinct points of attraction and difference. Consequently, he has crafted more of a social network site that happens to have a dating ‘underpin’ to it. His creation also systematically addresses, and rectifies, many of the problems of both global and local sites.

He explains how, and why.
“Many people start the process in this way. They Google the common key words ‘free NZ dating sites love girls/boys women online’ etc and what happens?

The screen is flooded with a seemingly bewildering array of possibilities. Most of the sites that crowd your on- screen search appear initially to be New Zealand sites but are actually driven from Russia, Australia, United Kingdom or wherever in the world.

“Upon joining you invariably find you’ve paid to be pestered by scammers, identity thieves and promising looking women living in some faraway place…but how can you offer to meet for a coffee and chat for the chance to ‘check the spark’ with someone living in Belarus?”

He admits that two New Zealand-based offerings are doing an adequate job but, again, with some reservations.

“To date there have been only two main players in the New Zealand dating market…NZ Dating and Findsomeone. The former has a good grip on the ‘average’ end of the local market. On the flip-side of that, Findsomeone, which is owned by TradeMe, specialises in the more up-market end of the dating scene and charges accordingly. So with these two as our local frames of reference, we set about creating our version of human encounter utopia.”

LoveOnline’s first point of difference is that the site is for New Zealanders only! There are no registration opportunities in the joining mechanisms unless you are a Kiwi. This prevents overseas scamsters signing up and inveigling their way into the heart of some unsuspecting New Zealand lass.

“So you know that you’re talking only to Kiwi’s online with this new site. And given that personal feelings of security and integrity are a big issue in the confidence stakes of online dating, knowing that you’re communicating with someone within your own country is a big plus. We also screen and approve each new member to ascertain they actually exist in NZ and their suitability to our sites brand.”

The next major point is that LoveOnline.co.nz is 100% free to use ALL the facilities on offer. There are no NZ sites offering this although, Pharazyn says, sometimes looks can be deceiving.

“All sites appear to be free and they all are but that is to join only…as soon as you wish to email or try and establish an online relationship you are asked to pay a nominal fee of usually around $20-30 per month…LoveOnline charges nothing. Again, it is my contribution to the game of love.”

However, the ultimate point of difference between the two other accepted NZ sites (and most of the others globally) are the facilities that LoveOnline.co.nz offers.

“We studied the massive success and capacity of sites such as Facebook and Bebo. We figured that if we could incorporate all the facilities that these immensely popular social networks offer, but also underpin the main thrust of our site to be a capacity for people to meet and pursue romantic possibilities online, then we would be onto a winner!”

A quick visit to the site—themed with colours and icons of New Zealand culture—shows there is the capacity to upload videos of yourself or friends and your activities, favourite music files, pictures , emails, blogs ,forums, events and many more functions along the lines of Facebook.

“All of which give you a huge amount of colours in your romantic palette and the ability to flesh out your profile for a prospective partner to trawl through” says Pharazyn.

Giving this width of presentation possibilities a potential suitor or lover can get a wide fix on who you are and what you’re into….and then ‘bing’, they click on the email or flirt button and goodbye to that total eclipse of the heart. Or, if they’re not that attracted there is none of the embarrassment of rejection to contend with.”

True to the positioning of being a social site that also offers the added incentive of love, Pharazyn’s is unequivocally the only site in New Zealand that can currently offer this wide range of features.

“When you think about it, it makes perfect sense to be able to see, chat, email and dance online with a prospective life partner before making the decision to begin that initial online contact and the possibility of letting love bloom.”