On Line Dating Experience

“You should go on online dating,” said my friend, Sam.
“Ha!”
What? No. You so should.”
“Naa.”
“My dad met his wife, online. Everyone’s doing it.”
“Ur maybe….”
 

And that’s how it started…… my temporary lapse of judgement. Online dating. You hear things like – “One in six people meet their partners on line”….. “All the men want online is sex”…. “Have you seen the men online our age?”...... “If you pay $500 to a proper one they organise meeting someone for you – like a proper dating agency”…………” It’s just a way of meeting people – no different than meeting someone in a pub”……….Yes, a pub. That’s where I met my ex-husband of 20 years – in a pub and six months later we were pregnant and married. Really, I had no idea who he was either, in retrospect.

So I did it. Googled it, searched online dating New Zealand. I clicked through the initial list of eligible men in my age group and in my region. I read the profiles – “Just looking for a fun no strings relationship”. Yeah right. Code for let’s have sex, I bet. Or “Music and my dogs are really important to me.” And “Just looking for someone who maybe will become special to me”. Hmmmm ………that sounds sweet! What about Mr “All my friends are married so their wives don’t want them coming out with me all the time. It makes it difficult.” Or “I have a really good relationship with my son but my wife passed away 5 years ago.” Oh, sad!

Well, ok maybe there are some men with feelings who are just as lonely and impossibly single as I am. What harm can it do really? I told myself, just meet up with him and if you like him meet up with him again. But just have a few rules you stick to and don’t get weird about any of it and it’ll be alright…..

I remember saying to Sam that it didn’t feel very special or romantic though, not like our eyes locked across a crowded room. Sagely, she philosophised that he was probably out there in cyber space just waiting for me. Fate threw us together through the infinite reaches of space and time. Ok – that is pretty romantic. Then we discussed whether people who are online daters are potentially losers. Because if he wasn’t a loser surely he would already have a wife or girlfriend and if not, then surely he must be able to meet a woman in real life because he’s witty and attractive and generous and would therefore be pounced upon immediately by any lucky woman who happened to stumble upon him. “Well,” said Sam, already ready with a reply. “You are all those things – witty and attractive and generous and you can’t find anyone”. Oh, that’s true.

My first contact, was the most handsome man on the line-up was John. I sent him a “Hello” message and asked him what types of things did he like to tinker with in the garden shed. He sent back a witty reply. Wow – he’s an engineer! A man who can actually do things - with his hands. Wow. I sent him another message, explaining a little bit more about my background. Oh my god……it’s happening. But get a grip. Don’t hover. Get up from the computer and go and do something else. Don’t reply too quickly – he’ll think you’re desperate.

No reply for three days. That’s ok he’s obviously busy. Five days go past. He’s dropped me. I’m dropped. He doesn’t like me. What’s wrong with me….. I am a loser after all.

Online dating is trickier than it seems. I tried again – a 32 year old man who doesn’t mind older ladies. A man who imports fruit into Turkey,lives in London but visits New Zealand regularly. A man who looks after his mother and two sons, week about, but hasn’t worked for a while. A lumberjack.

We’ll I met the lumberjack – actually he was a arborist and a firewood merchant. I made allowances for all sorts of perceived failings he had. After all, said Sam, even more sagely, nobody’s perfect. He found me attractive and he was kinda witty and interesting. But, just between you and me, it didn’t quite go according to plan so that I escaped with my dignity intact. This is then, a cautionary tail for all those single men and women waiting in cyber space. Don’t fall in love with a dream.

Possibly, he wasn’t my knight in shining armour waiting for me in cyberspace. Possibly he’s got more issues than I did. Possibly I phased him. Possibly I wasn’t young enough, firm enough, rich enough………..

Online dating, ay. Just like life it ain’t predictable. But maybe I’ll give it another whirl Sam, now that I know what to do………

Susan Burr
Hopeful Romantic